In all our years of military assignments, I can’t think of a perfect church we were a part of…whether it involved stealing from church funds, adultery, lying, gossip, idolatry, swearing, disrespecting the Lord, hating each other and strangers…we’re human and fail. But, that doesn’t mean we abuse grace so we can live as we want (Romans 6).

Years ago, we were in a church where one lady in particular had it in for another. She gossiped and got listeners in her court; while others ignored her. Things kept brewing. The situation escalated and the ring leader talked to the pastor, thinking she’d have the pastor on her side. The pastor initially sided with the accuser, since other women agreed with said accuser. He said his initial rationale was that surely if more than one lady had a problem with the one being accused, she must be problematic. The said accuser talked and talked, making it sound like the accused was hideous in character. The accused pretty much kept to herself, but remained nice; nor did she run to the pastor, trying to defend herself. The pastor eventually talked to the accuser and accuse, separately, and concluded the problem lie with said accuser and her attitude, and things were not exactly as she portrayed. This whole saga ended when the accuser apologized from the pulpit–in front of the congregation in the evening church service. No names were addressed, but everyone pretty much knew what was going on since it was a small church. The pastor added, that the accused said an apology from the pulpit wasn’t necessary, or even an apology, just change and stop that behavior.

This type of thing goes on in churches, and affects any age, for various reasons. So, what do we do when someone purposefully hates and spews venom? Stop, breathe, and try to understand there may be some underlying issues with her, him or them. There are lots of reasons why…it could be something you’ve said was taken out of context, it was relayed on wrong, or they don’t know the full picture; it could be because of what’s going on within her, him or them, and you’re the target; it could be simply a clash of personalities. Sometimes both parties are at fault, but not always. Sometimes issues work themselves out, other times not. Forever forgiving doesn’t mean to only embrace certain Scriptures, while ignoring others. Use discernment; keep going, keep busy; don’t hold grudges.

We are emotional creatures, and often it seems women can be more brutal, although men can use their tongues the same way.  I know out of frustration, in the heat of the moment, I have worded something I could have worded differently.  I may not have meant it any differently than when i first said IT, but just worded it a different way.  It can be difficult to hold one’s response; I know, I’ve been there.  It’s also difficult to not offer my two cents on a situation, especially if I’ve been on the receiving end of said individual someone else is spouting about.

What to do when someone’s habitual with talk; when someone keeps the pot stirred, and participators are in abundance…one lady shared these words she found on the topic:

-Don’t associate yourself with one who is a known gossip
-When someone starts to gossip — change the subject
-If you are not part of the problem or part of the solution, stay out of it
-If you have fallen into the bad habit of gossiping — ask God to change your heart
-Don’t remain idle

I find that in keeping busy, it helps me stay focused on that which I should be focused.

Proverbs 20:19; Proverbs 26:20-22; Titus 2:3-5

Earnestly,

Yours