Your past will influence who you are, but it doesn’t have to dictate who you become.  I like those words, but one important addition I’d like to add to that phrase is that even though I didn’t know it at the time, I believe without a doubt that the Lord was protecting me, was watching over me then.  I give all credit to God for where I am now.

I was barely shy of 5 years old when my birth mother sat me on her knee at the kitchen table and told me she would be taking me and my siblings to Sunshine Acres. She and my birth father had already separated, and the man she ended up marrying didn’t want us around. Thus, 13 days prior to my 5th birthday, we arrived at Sunshine Acres, with our little packed bags.

I was well aware of the trouble my birth parents had.  I remember the fights, the drinking, the yelling; other women.  I remember one specific time when my birth father was so upset he hit the wall with his fist, leaving a hole.  The quick and superficial remedy to cover that outrage was a picture that was placed over the blemished spot.

I’ve been back to visit Sunshine Acres four times.  The last time was when my husband and I took our young adult children for a visit.  Miss Dingman was no longer alive, but we met with Carol, her daughter, who took us around, and showed us a video, honoring the legacy of Miss Dingman, her husband and Sunshine Acres.

The dining hall. The basic structure looked the same, although inside had been painted and redone. I remember how all the children would line up each morning before school, walk down the dirt road to the dining hall for breakfast, and then pick up a brown paper sack lunch for school, which were all lined up and organized. Then we’d head to school on buses.

The chapel pretty much looked the same.  Every Sunday, the children would walk down the dirt road to the chapel. I remember being given a penny to put in the offering plate.

This was the house we lived in during our stay.  I remembered the layout in the Saguaro house, although I recognized the front door had been closed off and moved to another entry point.  The rooms were modernized; the beds now hung from the ceiling and are quite pretty. As we walked through the Saguaro house, I recalled many other things…like the wild donkeys that used to roam around…making their noises, and the sound of doves all the time.

Everyone has a story.  Your story may be better, the same, or worse than mine.  Yet, even the best of families or circumstances have flaws, imperfections; everyone has some type of dysfunction, simply because we’re human.

My young life did not start out very good, and there are additional details at that time which add to the equation.  Because of circumstances, I know I grew up fast at a young age; I saw, heard and experienced things children shouldn’t.  After I left Sunshine Acres, there were additional twists and turns; there were mistakes.  The best part of my long and winding story, is Spiritual. I firmly believe the Lord not only watched over me, He Spiritually rescued me from myself…by saving me when His time was right, about 23 years ago.  2 Cor. 5:17 says ‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here.’  I am grateful for His saving love and mercy, through His Son.  I have at times wondered why God didn’t step in sooner than He did, but His timing is not my timing. I am thankful for the goodness He bestows.  Looking back, I believe, and know without a doubt, it is because of His grace and mercy that I did not end up a total basket case.  As John 9:25 says, and I too can say…’One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!’  We can move forward, not hold grudges and hate.  It can be difficult and a real challenge, sometimes it’s easier to say than do, but God wants us to forgive.  If we don’t, it’ll eat at us, permeate our thoughts; it will hold us captive. It may not result in relationship recovery, or even should, but you will have rest and peace of mind and heart as you move forward from the past; in all of life, in all circumstances.  It’s a peace He told His disciples about in John 14;  it’s ‘a peace which transcends all understanding’,  Phil. 4:7.

My past had an influence on me, and I know it is God Who Overcomes; Who helps us overcome, and helps me every day…as I rely on Him.  1 Peter 5:7 says ‘to cast our cares on Him’.  God is stronger than us, and in looking to Him, He helps us not dwell on past circumstances; rather, we grow from them.  Following Christ is the Only remedy to cover a blemished life.  In following Him, it will take time to learn and grow.  But His remedy isn’t superficial; it’s real and ever lasting; it’s permanent.  He was the unblemished Lamb Who died to make my life spotless; Who took away my sins.  As imperfect as I still am, I thank the Lord for where I am today.

Earnestly,

Yours